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Revamping Your Identity: A Journey from Chaos to Serenity

You can Listen to the podcast episode, or read below:



Greetings, radiant souls! Here, let's delve into the realm of personal identity and self-esteem. This narrative is as much about one woman's journey from clutter and chaos to calm and order, as it is about a universal tale of resilience and transformation. Our hero of this story is Valerie, a warrior who battled through time, trauma, and clutter to emerge victorious, brimming with self-esteem and love for herself.

In the year 2006, Valerie was living a hectic life juggling the responsibilities of being a mother to two toddlers. Every day was a relentless cycle of dealing with the mundane and surviving through the chaos. Routine tasks seemed like monumental chores. Twice a week, she had to rush to the children's hospital. A whirlwind of toys, mess, and disorder seemed to define her world.

Ever been there? 

Have you ever felt drowned in your own mess, your heart heavy with discouragement every time you look around?

The truth is, Valerie was overwhelmed. She had too much on her plate, and the enormity of it was crippling her ability to change or do things differently. The 'culprit' wasn't hard to find - toddlers running around, toys scattered everywhere. Yet, the real culprit was not the children or the mess; it was her perceived inability to cope.

The echoes of self-criticism are too familiar, aren't they? We compare ourselves with others and find our own lives lacking. Valerie's struggle was no different. Her guilt stemmed from her belief that she was a bad mother - a mother who failed to balance work, children, and a clean home like her mother and mother-in-law did. The self-inflicted label of 'failure' weighed her down.

The verdict seemed grim when her doctor linked her struggles to her complex PTSD. Years of therapy didn't seem to make a difference. Her house was still a battlefield even after hiring a maid. 


Can you relate to this feeling of being stuck? 

The desire to change your life, to lead a 'normal' life but not knowing where to start?
Valerie felt it too.

When her husband became a military officer, another set of expectations came crashing down on her. She felt the pressure to maintain a tidy home, be the perfect officer's wife, a gracious host. It's a picture we all have seen in movies, haven't we?

She wanted to rise to the occasion. She wanted to show her worth, to prove that she was capable. However, her attempts at cleaning ended in distraction or exhaustion. She fell short of the discipline and persistence needed to change her circumstances. And her self-esteem hit rock bottom.

Is your belief in yourself shaken? 

Do you have moments when you forget to take time out for self-care? 

Valerie's life was a mirror to such struggles. But then, something changed.

One day, her husband shared his secret - consistency and celebration. He suggested picking a particular day for cleaning and rewarding herself afterwards. Valerie chose Fridays for this task, a day when her husband would return from Ontario to their home in Montreal.

This routine worked. Her husband's appreciation and pride in their tidy home began to rub off on her. She started to feel a sense of pride too. 

Can you see the significance of pride and celebration in our lives?

As she embarked on the decluttering journey, letting go of excess stuff, she found an unexpected joy. Cleaning took less time, chores were simpler, and she even found some free time. She discovered serenity in having less clutter, in knowing that every object had its place.

A few years later, she noticed that chaos had slowly retreated from her life. She was managing her daily tasks efficiently and even found time for hobbies like scrapbooking. 

Do you yearn for this kind of transformation? 

Are you tired of feeling stuck, bogged down by trauma?

Friends started noticing the changes in her life, her meticulously maintained home, and her overall efficiency. They wanted to know her secret. Valerie reflected on her journey and compiled her strategies and tricks into a comprehensive time management plan. This plan, developed alongside JM, evolved into a step-by-step guide to finding the '25th hour' in a day, aptly titled 'Put That Stuff Down.'

Valerie’s life is an exemplar of the power of structured living. Her to-do list was no longer an overwhelming, unending nightmare. She even managed to include a daily walk into her routine. 

Do you have a to-do list that feels more daunting than helpful?

After sharing her strategies with friends and clients, she witnessed their lives transforming too. They found free time, they were more efficient, and they accomplished their tasks with a newfound zeal. Her once cluttered home remained clean for over five years.

Yes, Valerie, once a self-proclaimed hoarder, transformed her life completely. But her most significant victory was the blossoming of her self-esteem, leading her to discover the joy of self-love. She became a new person, free of nightmares and flashbacks, confident in her ability to manage life's challenges.

Identity can indeed change your life trajectory. A child absorbs the behaviors and attitudes from their parents and surroundings. For instance, if a mother enjoys hosting, the child is likely to adopt this trait. But the profound realization is how a child, adopted into a different culture, not only assimilates perfectly into the new environment but also retains traces of their biological parents' intergenerational identity.

Your identity, derived from your parents and the environment, may shape you, but it isn't your destiny. You can reframe, repurpose, and reposition your life, much like changing the frame of a picture can transform its overall look.

Are you ready for this shift? 

Do you have the time for it? 

I know the easy excuse is 'I'm too busy.' But what if this change is life-altering? How would you feel about making time without feeling guilty?

In our next blog, we'll dismantle the false beliefs that might be holding you back from making these changes. Stay tuned!